Recently, I had a complete meltdown and almost ruined a relationship. I had to do some major reflection and I came to the following conclusion.
There are three types of people when discussing abuse; victim, survivor, or thriver.
VICTIM: noun. [vik-tim] A person who suffers in some way, who complains about his or her given circumstances and does not attempt to alter them. Victims are overwhelmed by their past and the abuse. The memories of abuse taint every decision they make, ever second of their lives including any kind of relationships.
SURVIVOR: noun. [ser-vayh-ver] One who stays alive and claws his or her way up from the pit, bloodied and exhausted, and who will continue to fight. Survivors are able to understand they need help to overcome the affects of abuse and seek out that help. They still struggle with feelings of inadequacy and not deserving good things, but recognizes the struggle. They share their story with those whom they feel safe with and understand the need to take care of themselves.
THRIVER: noun [thrayv-er] Not a real form of the word “thrive.” One who prospers and flourishes, expanding beyond confines and living life to the best degree possible. Thrivers accept life, grateful for their new life. They are able to tell others their story and understand by doing so, they are healing themselves each time.
So back to my meltdown. I thought I had made it to being a thriver. But after my meltdown and introspections, I realized I am still a survivor. I’ve made the decision to seek out more help and embrace that I have survived some major abuse but I’m still standing. I’m still living. I’m still making better choices for myself and my kids, every single day. And one day, I will be a thriver. One day I will be able to tell my story to anyone without having a panic attack.
Until that day, I will continue working on sharing my thoughts and feelings and not be afraid.