I recently received a message from a friend of mine. He told me about a young lady he met on a flight. He said she was obviously addicted the meth and was “tweeking” on the flight. She would not stop talking to him and during the short four hour flight, had told him her life story. He said, “it was very similar to yours, minus the addiction.” She told him about her abuse, multiple husbands, homelessness, etc. And yes, I’ve experienced all those as well. But what smacked me in the face was the truth; I never became an addict. Why not?
I spent several hours in my head. Why didn’t I follow the same path as so many in my shoes? I certainly had the chances to be an addict, a prostitute, or a myriad of other self-harming lifestyles. I’ve heard from many people who not only overcame their abusive pasts but also addictions. I’ve heard from others who led typical “normal” lives then all of a sudden crashed because of past abuses. What is it inside of us directing us which way to go? Why do some of us struggle with addiction while others are able to lead somewhat normal lives?
I’ve felt like giving up a few times in my life. There have been moments of despair in which I contemplated just turning off all emotions and giving into the lure of numbness drugs offer, knowing it would ultimately lead me to a life on the streets as well.
Am I only good for sex? This is a question I’ve often asked myself as well. I could have easily fallen into the sex industry. But I didn’t.
Oh, I did many self-destructive things. There are times where I should have probably died. Decisions I made which I wish I could take back. But whatever it is inside of me that kept me from those roads, I thank it. And if I ever figure out what it is, I’ll be sure to share it. For if I can save one life, isn’t it worth it?
If you are in need of help, please ask. There are many out there who want to help you, but first you need to have the desire to help yourself. Addiction, abuse, or just help finding a healthier path – you can do it. Look at what you have survived so far in your life. I believe in you. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you know, and smarter than you think.